The emotional remote control

We have all experienced trying to win the battle on the remote control. We are comfortably quietly snuggled into our favorite chair or seat to watch our show that we can escape to for an hour or so only to have it rudely interrupted by our spouse or child come in and switch the channel. This scenario doesn't play out in my house any longer due to the introduction of the DVR and Tivo. If they switch it fine, I can always click record and go back and watch it. So, we don't have that issue any longer. However, I know some people that do not own a DVR or Tivo and we can begin to imagine the stress that takes place, "I am not done with that!", "Wait five more minutes", to all out warfare. I do not watch a lot of TV but the ability to alleviate that issue is a relief, especially with the kids and their shows, and the sports etc...

Some of us that are old enough, remember the old days when we had to hurry up and switch in between channels so that we could watch two programs that were on television at the same time. It was a nightmare, we were a slave to the dial. Then of course if we were also trying to keep the score on a sporting event, our heads could be swimming with the clicking of the dial, back and forth, back and forth. I recently experienced a similar situation in our travels and it drove me nuts. I really missed my DVR or at least having one so I wouldn't feel so obligated to the flat screen holding me hostage so that I could finish a show.

I thought about how we as people sometimes act like remote controls in our relationships. We want to control what the other person is doing whether it be a friend, spouse, family member or child. Don't get me wrong there are many times we have to control our children for safety and sanity reasons. Similarly, some of us try and control what those closest to us does or doesn't do. In doing this, we ultimately are in a sense trying to make them our own personal remote control. We want certain things from them at certain times and under certain conditions. It has to be controlled. When we need others to accept us or validate us by doing whatever we tell them to, we make them caretakers of our emotional remote control. That is not a strong position to be in as a human being or in a relationship. Doesn't that rob people of their own indivuality and uniqueness? I believe it also undermines a relationship. Do we really as human people have to always have things our way? Do we have to share the same political views, religious beliefs, or sports teams? I have had many different friendships, and relationships with people over the years, as well as the relationship i have with my children and it is not always going to be my way or the way I think it "should" be. I have to learn and am learning, as a work in progress, to let go and let my children, family member, spouse, friend, or whomever, to be human beings in their own unique way which may not be how I envisioned it in my remote controlled way. It is very unrealistic to expect people, yes even our close friends and spouses to always be compliant with our desires of how we think it "should" be. I have often said that "should" is a wasteful word. Should many times brings disappointment to our relationships.

Letting go and allowing ourselves and others to be what they are instead of what we think they "should" be releases frustration, turmoil, drama, all of the negative emotions that are not conducive to our well being.
I don't know about you but i don't want to be at the mercy of someone else's acceptance or validation. Maybe it is just the cranky side of me kicking in with age, but I don't really desire to live to please others and be a people pleaser tap dancing around others emotions or feelings because I think I "should" be cautious about their remote control reactivity. Life is too short. Now go out there and catch yourself in the act of someone putting you in charge of their emotional remote control. See how it feels, recognize and then choose to react or not. After all the choice is up to you ,whether you want to be someone else's remote control.

Make it a great day and thanks for reading!