We have all experienced trying to win the battle on the remote control. We are comfortably quietly snuggled into our favorite chair or seat to watch our show that we can escape to for an hour or so only to have it rudely interrupted by our spouse or child come in and switch the channel. This scenario doesn't play out in my house any longer due to the introduction of the DVR and Tivo. If they switch it fine, I can always click record and go back and watch it. So, we don't have that issue any longer. However, I know some people that do not own a DVR or Tivo and we can begin to imagine the stress that takes place, "I am not done with that!", "Wait five more minutes", to all out warfare. I do not watch a lot of TV but the ability to alleviate that issue is a relief, especially with the kids and their shows, and the sports etc...
Some of us that are old enough, remember the old days when we had to hurry up and switch in between channels so that we could watch two programs that were on television at the same time. It was a nightmare, we were a slave to the dial. Then of course if we were also trying to keep the score on a sporting event, our heads could be swimming with the clicking of the dial, back and forth, back and forth. I recently experienced a similar situation in our travels and it drove me nuts. I really missed my DVR or at least having one so I wouldn't feel so obligated to the flat screen holding me hostage so that I could finish a show.
I thought about how we as people sometimes act like remote controls in our relationships. We want to control what the other person is doing whether it be a friend, spouse, family member or child. Don't get me wrong there are many times we have to control our children for safety and sanity reasons. Similarly, some of us try and control what those closest to us does or doesn't do. In doing this, we ultimately are in a sense trying to make them our own personal remote control. We want certain things from them at certain times and under certain conditions. It has to be controlled. When we need others to accept us or validate us by doing whatever we tell them to, we make them caretakers of our emotional remote control. That is not a strong position to be in as a human being or in a relationship. Doesn't that rob people of their own indivuality and uniqueness? I believe it also undermines a relationship. Do we really as human people have to always have things our way? Do we have to share the same political views, religious beliefs, or sports teams? I have had many different friendships, and relationships with people over the years, as well as the relationship i have with my children and it is not always going to be my way or the way I think it "should" be. I have to learn and am learning, as a work in progress, to let go and let my children, family member, spouse, friend, or whomever, to be human beings in their own unique way which may not be how I envisioned it in my remote controlled way. It is very unrealistic to expect people, yes even our close friends and spouses to always be compliant with our desires of how we think it "should" be. I have often said that "should" is a wasteful word. Should many times brings disappointment to our relationships.
Letting go and allowing ourselves and others to be what they are instead of what we think they "should" be releases frustration, turmoil, drama, all of the negative emotions that are not conducive to our well being.
I don't know about you but i don't want to be at the mercy of someone else's acceptance or validation. Maybe it is just the cranky side of me kicking in with age, but I don't really desire to live to please others and be a people pleaser tap dancing around others emotions or feelings because I think I "should" be cautious about their remote control reactivity. Life is too short. Now go out there and catch yourself in the act of someone putting you in charge of their emotional remote control. See how it feels, recognize and then choose to react or not. After all the choice is up to you ,whether you want to be someone else's remote control.
Make it a great day and thanks for reading!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Do marriage's go through recessions?
I have just pulled this title of this piece out of the air because I am not sure really where i am going with this blog. I am a person who doesn't watch much TV, but it seems like every I turn on the TV I am hearing about the recession and recovery, the recent forecast for the ecomony and what that means to me as a consumer. Personally, I care to a certain degree but the main things that rule my life are the things that impact myself and family on a daily basis. I am fortunate enough that my husband has not been cut back in all of the scale backs and layoffs in his company and even though we take a deep breath every time it happens, we know it could be us and are that much more grateful when it is not. Mostly though, I am concerned with my kids and foremost, my inner circle of family and friends and then all of the other external outside political, economical, and wordly things that occur every day. Not to say i don't keep up, I do; but, it is just not that important to me unless I am directly impacted by it.
So after thirteen years of marriage i started thinking that marriages are a lot like business cycles. We go through all of the motions every day to stay in the green and not deplete to the negative side of the bank account and become overdrawn. Using the analogy of the ecomomy and marriage is a stretch but not really if think about it.
For example, a recession is defined as being a time when there is a contraction, a slowdown in growth, profits decline and unemployment may rise. That is the business cycle definition of a recession. Can't we make a similar comparison in marriage? For example a recession in marriage may be being a contraction or a decline in growth of the participants. One person may be overspending and overwithdrawing their resources to stay afloat, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, that kind of behavior. Spouses let there true self become more visible and vulnerable. This may be the stage after the honeymoon is over and partners become disenchanted, an affair, emotional or physical may occur. A recession in a marriage could also be an addiction with alchohol, gambling, sex, porn, abuse etc.. the list goes on and on.
Yes, "emotional affairs" are the new buzz in marriages. You don't have to actually cheat on your spouse in a physical manner but you get the emotional connection with someone else that you are not getting at home with your spouse. It is kind of tricky, but it is the newest soup du jour for marital unbliss. It is the unaffair, no physical intimacy, "I didn't inhale", "I never had physical intercourse with that woman", "I didn't cheat i swear, I love you and only you, I was lost and now i am found again because I am caught, etc...", "I only took pictures and sent naughty texts and poured my heart out, but I still love you honey, your the best sweetie". Yes, it is that sort of thing that occurs in recessionary times in a marriage. In my personal opinion, I think marriages go through these sort of things. I am not condoning or condeming it, I believe that these sort of things happen.
Recessions are not supposed to be good times, they are riddled with challenging experiences. Will i lose my home, will i lose my job, what if I lose my job and i can't support my family, what if I can't find another job making $200,000 a year or whatever amount that business person may be earning. Isn't it the same thing when we are in a recession of marriage? What if i get caught, what if i lose my family, what if i become financially destitute because i choose to leave my spouse cause now i may have to pay alimony , support for the kids, and numerous other complications the recessionary marriage may be going through.
On a positive note, like economic recovery what goes down must come up again. It is the law of economics. Things dip to a point where they reach a level of resistance and they have to recover or move back into the rebound stage. Granted some people choose to end their marriages and rightfully so, there are some things that just cannot sometimes be overcome. I believe one of the main factors in a rebound in recovery at least on the marital side is accepting responsibility for one's part in the recession. Maybe both parties stopped spending when they should have been racking up the cards, and perhaps the bankrupcies occured as a consequence of irresponsibility on both parties. Unfortunately, it would be easy to say it is all the other's fault but we know that economics is a result of many different macroeconomic variables which if you break it down is a very similar analogy to marriage. So, remember it goes both ways, and spend away after all we all want a thriving economy right?
So after thirteen years of marriage i started thinking that marriages are a lot like business cycles. We go through all of the motions every day to stay in the green and not deplete to the negative side of the bank account and become overdrawn. Using the analogy of the ecomomy and marriage is a stretch but not really if think about it.
For example, a recession is defined as being a time when there is a contraction, a slowdown in growth, profits decline and unemployment may rise. That is the business cycle definition of a recession. Can't we make a similar comparison in marriage? For example a recession in marriage may be being a contraction or a decline in growth of the participants. One person may be overspending and overwithdrawing their resources to stay afloat, borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, that kind of behavior. Spouses let there true self become more visible and vulnerable. This may be the stage after the honeymoon is over and partners become disenchanted, an affair, emotional or physical may occur. A recession in a marriage could also be an addiction with alchohol, gambling, sex, porn, abuse etc.. the list goes on and on.
Yes, "emotional affairs" are the new buzz in marriages. You don't have to actually cheat on your spouse in a physical manner but you get the emotional connection with someone else that you are not getting at home with your spouse. It is kind of tricky, but it is the newest soup du jour for marital unbliss. It is the unaffair, no physical intimacy, "I didn't inhale", "I never had physical intercourse with that woman", "I didn't cheat i swear, I love you and only you, I was lost and now i am found again because I am caught, etc...", "I only took pictures and sent naughty texts and poured my heart out, but I still love you honey, your the best sweetie". Yes, it is that sort of thing that occurs in recessionary times in a marriage. In my personal opinion, I think marriages go through these sort of things. I am not condoning or condeming it, I believe that these sort of things happen.
Recessions are not supposed to be good times, they are riddled with challenging experiences. Will i lose my home, will i lose my job, what if I lose my job and i can't support my family, what if I can't find another job making $200,000 a year or whatever amount that business person may be earning. Isn't it the same thing when we are in a recession of marriage? What if i get caught, what if i lose my family, what if i become financially destitute because i choose to leave my spouse cause now i may have to pay alimony , support for the kids, and numerous other complications the recessionary marriage may be going through.
On a positive note, like economic recovery what goes down must come up again. It is the law of economics. Things dip to a point where they reach a level of resistance and they have to recover or move back into the rebound stage. Granted some people choose to end their marriages and rightfully so, there are some things that just cannot sometimes be overcome. I believe one of the main factors in a rebound in recovery at least on the marital side is accepting responsibility for one's part in the recession. Maybe both parties stopped spending when they should have been racking up the cards, and perhaps the bankrupcies occured as a consequence of irresponsibility on both parties. Unfortunately, it would be easy to say it is all the other's fault but we know that economics is a result of many different macroeconomic variables which if you break it down is a very similar analogy to marriage. So, remember it goes both ways, and spend away after all we all want a thriving economy right?
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Looking Good for us or for them?
Last night I attended a lively, great function to support my childrens school. It is our annual fundraiser and this year's theme was a Casino Night. This seemed like the perfect segue to introduce my next blog. It was an engaging evening with the Casino Night theme, people were dressed casual and some were really dressed to the hilt, with sparkles, glitter and glamour. Someone even asked me where my next blog was, which lit the fire under me to get this out. I was a little hesitant about publishing this one since it didn't seem substantial enough. However, this person reminded me that there is going to be interesting ones, and not so interesting ones; but, nevertheless, i should continue. It is good to have people push you along at things.
A few months back I got into a conversation with a male friend of mine about attire and dressing up to go out, either with our spouses or with our friends. I am not sure how the topic of conversation came up but it did, and I was really intrigued by where the conversation went because I had never really thought about dressing up for my women friends. Surprisingly to me, my counterpart in debate thought that women dressed up for other women! Imagine that, we get all dolled up for the sake of showing off for our girlfriends! Apparently we do not consciously realize that in doing this, we are trying to be competitive. Look at me, i got a new pair of Seven jeans, or look at me with my new Coach or Prada bag, or look at me, I just purchased this really cool pair of Versace sunglasses, you get the picture, right? By purchasing and wearing these items out with our girlfriends, it makes us feel superior, competitive, or better in some way?
Needless to say, I was really taken back at that because I had never engaged myself in this way of thinking. Apparently some people out there in the world believe that we as women dress up to impress our friends, show off, and create conversation with our other female cohorts. Additionally, this alternative perspective was that we as women are competitive and that is why we dress up. Are we really competitive when it comes to clothing and wanting to look good? I live in an area where there are a plethora of people that look good but yet I don't ever feel like I am wanting to look good because I want to be better or superior than my friends? I want to look good because it makes me feel good.
As I thought more about this, I thought about it more and observed myself, and why I dress up when I go out with my friends and or my husband. For me and after discussing this with some other friends, it really boils down to looking good for myself because I want to look good for me. I feel confident when I put my best foot forward and enjoy feeling that way about myself as I am sure most women do that ascribe to wanting to look good for themselves.
On the other hand, when my husband and I go out on a date night or go out to a social gathering like last evening at our quasi cocktail and dinner casino event, I like to look good for him. It makes him feel good that he has a wife who takes pride in herself. I am not saying I need to put on a dress and some heels to go to the t-ball field, but I like to be put together. Am I doing this for my potential competitive cohorts out there in the universe of femaleness? Well, I am proud to say NO!!! I am doing it first and foremost for me! Secondly, if I am with the husband, I enjoy looking good for him. If my female counterparts are complimenting of me, well great, that is a bonus, but I don't think women dress up to get praise from their female friends. Additionally, I am so comfortable complimenting a woman if she looks put together and attractive because I am not threatened that she looks better than me or I am trying to out do her. I think a confident woman doesn't care what female friends think about them, because they are comfortable enough in their own skin and style of who they are as a person.
After thirteen plus years of marriage, sure it would be easy to throw in the towel and let myself go and just assume that because I am married now "who cares", he loves me no matter what! After all when he married me, I hooked him. Now the honeymoon is over, the real me is here baby, take it or leave it! Doesn't he have to accept me as I am and love everything about me? Wasn't that what he signed up for when we took our vows at the alter and said "I do"? For better or worse, richer or poorer, pretty or ugly, don't these things all apply when we agree to marry someone? You accept them unconditionally?
Well, I am not so sure about that concept. If my husband decided to let his teeth go, stopped wanting to look handsome for me, and stop wanting to take care of himself, I am not sure i would be so accepting of that. Yet, I have met many people who are married that think just because your married it is a license to let yourself go, intellectually, physically, and respectfully with your partner. Respectfully defined as being the concept of "I am married to you. I can say and do anything i want, because I am your spouse and you have to love me." Yes, I just said it and probably have sounded really critical in saying that, however, I think what keeps us interested in our partners is how we look as well as how we present ourselves to them. Could this be one of the elements of sustainable "romantic love"? I mentioned in my last blog about sustaining "romantic love", and I think having a certain amount of respect for yourself and loving yourself apart from your marriage could be one of those elements.
Let's face it, most people did not become attracted in those early love stages because of brains. Most of the time whether we want to believe it or not, we are attracted to people based on how they present themselves physically to us. Yes, folks it is looks that what gets the interest of our partner in the beginning. Of course we eventually become attracted because of intelligence, personality and ambition or certain common goals, but a majority of the studies indicate looks during the first month of courtship are what count. A recent Newsweek poll posted the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that social psychologists discovered that looks are what attracts individuals to each other initially, followed by personality and then earnings potential. Physical attractiveness inspired the most desire. We know this is true across many tribes and cultures as well. The most physically attractive person gets the mate.
So if it is true that we make ourselves attractive in the beginning of a relationship to capture or hook our mate why wouldn't we maintain this habit in sustaining our "romantic love" in the marriage? I think most people given a choice would rather look good than not, for ourselves and our partners. To me it makes sense that looking good equates to feeling good about ourselves. This in turn translates into our partners feeling good about themselves because we feel confident about ourselves. We are showing our partners that we still care enough to want to be attractive, sexy, desirable etc.. It seems like a win win situation to me.
So when my friend debating me claimed that women dressed for their other women friends, my feeling was and still is that this is a narrow minded perspective. There are many other components involved in looking or wanting to look and feel good about ourselves. The laws of attraction historically and most modern studies indicate to us, it is still all about looking good for our mates. I am not stating this is the sole overriding element to sustaining "romantic love" in a relationship but it could be a part of it. There are sometimes things we need to tell our partners in a marriage or relationship that might feel uncomfortable and sound shallow but I think that helps us be better partners for each other in the long run.
While I still don't know what the answer is to sustaining "romantic love" in a relationship, it is something that I think about when I see that older couple sitting on bench drinking coffee gently holding hands or the elderly couple i know who have been together for years and still have a lot to say to each other and still laugh and smile at each other. Perhaps, being attractive over the years to your spouse is part of the secret that keeps our significant others romantically interested in us. Just a question and something to think about.
A few months back I got into a conversation with a male friend of mine about attire and dressing up to go out, either with our spouses or with our friends. I am not sure how the topic of conversation came up but it did, and I was really intrigued by where the conversation went because I had never really thought about dressing up for my women friends. Surprisingly to me, my counterpart in debate thought that women dressed up for other women! Imagine that, we get all dolled up for the sake of showing off for our girlfriends! Apparently we do not consciously realize that in doing this, we are trying to be competitive. Look at me, i got a new pair of Seven jeans, or look at me with my new Coach or Prada bag, or look at me, I just purchased this really cool pair of Versace sunglasses, you get the picture, right? By purchasing and wearing these items out with our girlfriends, it makes us feel superior, competitive, or better in some way?
Needless to say, I was really taken back at that because I had never engaged myself in this way of thinking. Apparently some people out there in the world believe that we as women dress up to impress our friends, show off, and create conversation with our other female cohorts. Additionally, this alternative perspective was that we as women are competitive and that is why we dress up. Are we really competitive when it comes to clothing and wanting to look good? I live in an area where there are a plethora of people that look good but yet I don't ever feel like I am wanting to look good because I want to be better or superior than my friends? I want to look good because it makes me feel good.
As I thought more about this, I thought about it more and observed myself, and why I dress up when I go out with my friends and or my husband. For me and after discussing this with some other friends, it really boils down to looking good for myself because I want to look good for me. I feel confident when I put my best foot forward and enjoy feeling that way about myself as I am sure most women do that ascribe to wanting to look good for themselves.
On the other hand, when my husband and I go out on a date night or go out to a social gathering like last evening at our quasi cocktail and dinner casino event, I like to look good for him. It makes him feel good that he has a wife who takes pride in herself. I am not saying I need to put on a dress and some heels to go to the t-ball field, but I like to be put together. Am I doing this for my potential competitive cohorts out there in the universe of femaleness? Well, I am proud to say NO!!! I am doing it first and foremost for me! Secondly, if I am with the husband, I enjoy looking good for him. If my female counterparts are complimenting of me, well great, that is a bonus, but I don't think women dress up to get praise from their female friends. Additionally, I am so comfortable complimenting a woman if she looks put together and attractive because I am not threatened that she looks better than me or I am trying to out do her. I think a confident woman doesn't care what female friends think about them, because they are comfortable enough in their own skin and style of who they are as a person.
After thirteen plus years of marriage, sure it would be easy to throw in the towel and let myself go and just assume that because I am married now "who cares", he loves me no matter what! After all when he married me, I hooked him. Now the honeymoon is over, the real me is here baby, take it or leave it! Doesn't he have to accept me as I am and love everything about me? Wasn't that what he signed up for when we took our vows at the alter and said "I do"? For better or worse, richer or poorer, pretty or ugly, don't these things all apply when we agree to marry someone? You accept them unconditionally?
Well, I am not so sure about that concept. If my husband decided to let his teeth go, stopped wanting to look handsome for me, and stop wanting to take care of himself, I am not sure i would be so accepting of that. Yet, I have met many people who are married that think just because your married it is a license to let yourself go, intellectually, physically, and respectfully with your partner. Respectfully defined as being the concept of "I am married to you. I can say and do anything i want, because I am your spouse and you have to love me." Yes, I just said it and probably have sounded really critical in saying that, however, I think what keeps us interested in our partners is how we look as well as how we present ourselves to them. Could this be one of the elements of sustainable "romantic love"? I mentioned in my last blog about sustaining "romantic love", and I think having a certain amount of respect for yourself and loving yourself apart from your marriage could be one of those elements.
Let's face it, most people did not become attracted in those early love stages because of brains. Most of the time whether we want to believe it or not, we are attracted to people based on how they present themselves physically to us. Yes, folks it is looks that what gets the interest of our partner in the beginning. Of course we eventually become attracted because of intelligence, personality and ambition or certain common goals, but a majority of the studies indicate looks during the first month of courtship are what count. A recent Newsweek poll posted the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that social psychologists discovered that looks are what attracts individuals to each other initially, followed by personality and then earnings potential. Physical attractiveness inspired the most desire. We know this is true across many tribes and cultures as well. The most physically attractive person gets the mate.
So if it is true that we make ourselves attractive in the beginning of a relationship to capture or hook our mate why wouldn't we maintain this habit in sustaining our "romantic love" in the marriage? I think most people given a choice would rather look good than not, for ourselves and our partners. To me it makes sense that looking good equates to feeling good about ourselves. This in turn translates into our partners feeling good about themselves because we feel confident about ourselves. We are showing our partners that we still care enough to want to be attractive, sexy, desirable etc.. It seems like a win win situation to me.
So when my friend debating me claimed that women dressed for their other women friends, my feeling was and still is that this is a narrow minded perspective. There are many other components involved in looking or wanting to look and feel good about ourselves. The laws of attraction historically and most modern studies indicate to us, it is still all about looking good for our mates. I am not stating this is the sole overriding element to sustaining "romantic love" in a relationship but it could be a part of it. There are sometimes things we need to tell our partners in a marriage or relationship that might feel uncomfortable and sound shallow but I think that helps us be better partners for each other in the long run.
While I still don't know what the answer is to sustaining "romantic love" in a relationship, it is something that I think about when I see that older couple sitting on bench drinking coffee gently holding hands or the elderly couple i know who have been together for years and still have a lot to say to each other and still laugh and smile at each other. Perhaps, being attractive over the years to your spouse is part of the secret that keeps our significant others romantically interested in us. Just a question and something to think about.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Reflection Valentines Day
So here i am actually starting a blog. I like to write and actually have thought about doing this for some time but like any other writer, i start things, stop, get distracted and finally end up scrapping concepts until i come up with another idea. It seems that all of my ideas i have about novels and writing usually center around men, women, and relationships. Recently i thought perhaps a blog, i wouldn't have to be as committed to writing as i would if i were writing a 350 page novel. Plus, i can whip this out in an hour or two and i don't have to necessarily be so perfect with my adjectives matching with my verbs and learning different writing techniques to engage the reader. I figure people will enjoy it or not and if they don't they won't read it so here i am.
With it being February 14th yesterday, the mass produced and commercialized Valentines Day, i have contemplated what that day means to people. For some it is a forced gift giving holiday trying to find that perfect gift to make our significant other "happy" and or pleased with us. Others view it as a day of canoodling, romantic dinners, spending time with our loved ones etc...
I went to see Valentines Day, the movie, over the weekend, and was pleasantly surprised with it. Great all star cast and interesting concoctions of relationships in the movie as experienced by the characters in the day of the life of Valentines Day in Los Angeles. Some of the different relationships included, an older married couple, a single woman with a divorced man or so she thinks until she discovers he is still married, a same sex couple, a mother trying to make it home to her young son, and of course the undying passionate teenage love. I liked the movie as it got me thinking about how many different types of love relationships there are out there in the world. All of them very important to each person experiencing them. I thought a lot about love over the weekend and what makes love real for people or more precisely what makes people feel loved and or lovable? Is it because our significant other takes us away for the weekend and showers us with lots of attention and money spent? Is it the flowers and candy delivered to the office? Perhaps, it is just a simple card that says, " I love you ".
I suppose love can be any of these designs i described above. An interesting quote i heard over the weekend is that for some people "love doesn't exist unless one acknowledges it in front of others". So for some people it has to be these things such as the flowers, the candy, the trips, the jewelery etc... It makes sense, we want others to know we are loved, that we are special to someone else, and that we are worthy of love and material things. It is a wonderful thing to be able to show those we love how we love them to be able to express that in a materialistic fashion. On the contrary, some people do not need to loved in front of others or shown that love in front of others via materialistic tokens. Love can just be a gaze, a quiet time spent together, a phone call, a touch, and many other combinations thereof.
I guess the point i am trying to get to in a round about way is that "romantic" love is not necessarily any of these things and yet can be all of these things. I don't know what "romantic" love is, yes i have been married for almost 13 years and while i think i know, i continue to question the "romantic" love versus the day to day commitment i share with my husband. I don't think "romantic" love is something that we can readily define. Yes, we all know we love our partners, and we love our friends and we love our children and our families, there is no question about those types of love. Those are undeniably intrinsic loves that are easily defined. However, when it comes to the "romantic" love it gets sketchy. Have we made it more complicated as a society because we have commercialized it so much? Or have we created all of these unrealistic expectations based on a historical point of view of what Valentines Day should be?
I am just one person and this is just my reflection or opinion but i think it is something to think about and i know as i get older i tend to think more and reflect more about life and things such as this. In conclusion, i believe love comes in many different forms, shapes, sizes, designs, configurations and patterns. The most common universal sign is a heart. At least with all of the different forms and types of love that exist in the world it is nice to know we still have the common symbol of a heart and we all know and understand that meaning. There is comfort in that universal symbol of love.
With it being February 14th yesterday, the mass produced and commercialized Valentines Day, i have contemplated what that day means to people. For some it is a forced gift giving holiday trying to find that perfect gift to make our significant other "happy" and or pleased with us. Others view it as a day of canoodling, romantic dinners, spending time with our loved ones etc...
I went to see Valentines Day, the movie, over the weekend, and was pleasantly surprised with it. Great all star cast and interesting concoctions of relationships in the movie as experienced by the characters in the day of the life of Valentines Day in Los Angeles. Some of the different relationships included, an older married couple, a single woman with a divorced man or so she thinks until she discovers he is still married, a same sex couple, a mother trying to make it home to her young son, and of course the undying passionate teenage love. I liked the movie as it got me thinking about how many different types of love relationships there are out there in the world. All of them very important to each person experiencing them. I thought a lot about love over the weekend and what makes love real for people or more precisely what makes people feel loved and or lovable? Is it because our significant other takes us away for the weekend and showers us with lots of attention and money spent? Is it the flowers and candy delivered to the office? Perhaps, it is just a simple card that says, " I love you ".
I suppose love can be any of these designs i described above. An interesting quote i heard over the weekend is that for some people "love doesn't exist unless one acknowledges it in front of others". So for some people it has to be these things such as the flowers, the candy, the trips, the jewelery etc... It makes sense, we want others to know we are loved, that we are special to someone else, and that we are worthy of love and material things. It is a wonderful thing to be able to show those we love how we love them to be able to express that in a materialistic fashion. On the contrary, some people do not need to loved in front of others or shown that love in front of others via materialistic tokens. Love can just be a gaze, a quiet time spent together, a phone call, a touch, and many other combinations thereof.
I guess the point i am trying to get to in a round about way is that "romantic" love is not necessarily any of these things and yet can be all of these things. I don't know what "romantic" love is, yes i have been married for almost 13 years and while i think i know, i continue to question the "romantic" love versus the day to day commitment i share with my husband. I don't think "romantic" love is something that we can readily define. Yes, we all know we love our partners, and we love our friends and we love our children and our families, there is no question about those types of love. Those are undeniably intrinsic loves that are easily defined. However, when it comes to the "romantic" love it gets sketchy. Have we made it more complicated as a society because we have commercialized it so much? Or have we created all of these unrealistic expectations based on a historical point of view of what Valentines Day should be?
I am just one person and this is just my reflection or opinion but i think it is something to think about and i know as i get older i tend to think more and reflect more about life and things such as this. In conclusion, i believe love comes in many different forms, shapes, sizes, designs, configurations and patterns. The most common universal sign is a heart. At least with all of the different forms and types of love that exist in the world it is nice to know we still have the common symbol of a heart and we all know and understand that meaning. There is comfort in that universal symbol of love.
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