So here i am actually starting a blog. I like to write and actually have thought about doing this for some time but like any other writer, i start things, stop, get distracted and finally end up scrapping concepts until i come up with another idea. It seems that all of my ideas i have about novels and writing usually center around men, women, and relationships. Recently i thought perhaps a blog, i wouldn't have to be as committed to writing as i would if i were writing a 350 page novel. Plus, i can whip this out in an hour or two and i don't have to necessarily be so perfect with my adjectives matching with my verbs and learning different writing techniques to engage the reader. I figure people will enjoy it or not and if they don't they won't read it so here i am.
With it being February 14th yesterday, the mass produced and commercialized Valentines Day, i have contemplated what that day means to people. For some it is a forced gift giving holiday trying to find that perfect gift to make our significant other "happy" and or pleased with us. Others view it as a day of canoodling, romantic dinners, spending time with our loved ones etc...
I went to see Valentines Day, the movie, over the weekend, and was pleasantly surprised with it. Great all star cast and interesting concoctions of relationships in the movie as experienced by the characters in the day of the life of Valentines Day in Los Angeles. Some of the different relationships included, an older married couple, a single woman with a divorced man or so she thinks until she discovers he is still married, a same sex couple, a mother trying to make it home to her young son, and of course the undying passionate teenage love. I liked the movie as it got me thinking about how many different types of love relationships there are out there in the world. All of them very important to each person experiencing them. I thought a lot about love over the weekend and what makes love real for people or more precisely what makes people feel loved and or lovable? Is it because our significant other takes us away for the weekend and showers us with lots of attention and money spent? Is it the flowers and candy delivered to the office? Perhaps, it is just a simple card that says, " I love you ".
I suppose love can be any of these designs i described above. An interesting quote i heard over the weekend is that for some people "love doesn't exist unless one acknowledges it in front of others". So for some people it has to be these things such as the flowers, the candy, the trips, the jewelery etc... It makes sense, we want others to know we are loved, that we are special to someone else, and that we are worthy of love and material things. It is a wonderful thing to be able to show those we love how we love them to be able to express that in a materialistic fashion. On the contrary, some people do not need to loved in front of others or shown that love in front of others via materialistic tokens. Love can just be a gaze, a quiet time spent together, a phone call, a touch, and many other combinations thereof.
I guess the point i am trying to get to in a round about way is that "romantic" love is not necessarily any of these things and yet can be all of these things. I don't know what "romantic" love is, yes i have been married for almost 13 years and while i think i know, i continue to question the "romantic" love versus the day to day commitment i share with my husband. I don't think "romantic" love is something that we can readily define. Yes, we all know we love our partners, and we love our friends and we love our children and our families, there is no question about those types of love. Those are undeniably intrinsic loves that are easily defined. However, when it comes to the "romantic" love it gets sketchy. Have we made it more complicated as a society because we have commercialized it so much? Or have we created all of these unrealistic expectations based on a historical point of view of what Valentines Day should be?
I am just one person and this is just my reflection or opinion but i think it is something to think about and i know as i get older i tend to think more and reflect more about life and things such as this. In conclusion, i believe love comes in many different forms, shapes, sizes, designs, configurations and patterns. The most common universal sign is a heart. At least with all of the different forms and types of love that exist in the world it is nice to know we still have the common symbol of a heart and we all know and understand that meaning. There is comfort in that universal symbol of love.
With it being February 14th yesterday, the mass produced and commercialized Valentines Day, i have contemplated what that day means to people. For some it is a forced gift giving holiday trying to find that perfect gift to make our significant other "happy" and or pleased with us. Others view it as a day of canoodling, romantic dinners, spending time with our loved ones etc...
I went to see Valentines Day, the movie, over the weekend, and was pleasantly surprised with it. Great all star cast and interesting concoctions of relationships in the movie as experienced by the characters in the day of the life of Valentines Day in Los Angeles. Some of the different relationships included, an older married couple, a single woman with a divorced man or so she thinks until she discovers he is still married, a same sex couple, a mother trying to make it home to her young son, and of course the undying passionate teenage love. I liked the movie as it got me thinking about how many different types of love relationships there are out there in the world. All of them very important to each person experiencing them. I thought a lot about love over the weekend and what makes love real for people or more precisely what makes people feel loved and or lovable? Is it because our significant other takes us away for the weekend and showers us with lots of attention and money spent? Is it the flowers and candy delivered to the office? Perhaps, it is just a simple card that says, " I love you ".
I suppose love can be any of these designs i described above. An interesting quote i heard over the weekend is that for some people "love doesn't exist unless one acknowledges it in front of others". So for some people it has to be these things such as the flowers, the candy, the trips, the jewelery etc... It makes sense, we want others to know we are loved, that we are special to someone else, and that we are worthy of love and material things. It is a wonderful thing to be able to show those we love how we love them to be able to express that in a materialistic fashion. On the contrary, some people do not need to loved in front of others or shown that love in front of others via materialistic tokens. Love can just be a gaze, a quiet time spent together, a phone call, a touch, and many other combinations thereof.
I guess the point i am trying to get to in a round about way is that "romantic" love is not necessarily any of these things and yet can be all of these things. I don't know what "romantic" love is, yes i have been married for almost 13 years and while i think i know, i continue to question the "romantic" love versus the day to day commitment i share with my husband. I don't think "romantic" love is something that we can readily define. Yes, we all know we love our partners, and we love our friends and we love our children and our families, there is no question about those types of love. Those are undeniably intrinsic loves that are easily defined. However, when it comes to the "romantic" love it gets sketchy. Have we made it more complicated as a society because we have commercialized it so much? Or have we created all of these unrealistic expectations based on a historical point of view of what Valentines Day should be?
I am just one person and this is just my reflection or opinion but i think it is something to think about and i know as i get older i tend to think more and reflect more about life and things such as this. In conclusion, i believe love comes in many different forms, shapes, sizes, designs, configurations and patterns. The most common universal sign is a heart. At least with all of the different forms and types of love that exist in the world it is nice to know we still have the common symbol of a heart and we all know and understand that meaning. There is comfort in that universal symbol of love.
The thing about romantic love is that is is not sustainable and therefore can take people away from the other kinds of love that they share with a romantic partner. It can lead a person to focus on the past, (ie what we once had, remembering that time on our honeymoon, remembering that feeling, etc) or waiting for it to occur again (ie when he comes home, when we go away together, when valentines day comes). I think it can be great as long as people recognize and enjoy the feeling when it is occuring but then be willing to let it go. The truest form of love is the ordinary day to day love, with opportunities for knowing and accepting each other as their true selves, flaws and all...that unflinching kind of love that lets the other know that you are here no matter what. Thanks for letting me think about this..keep up the blogging!
ReplyDeleteAmy thanks for the feedback. I tend to agree with you for the most part that romantic love is not sustainable, but since i am an eternal optimist, i wonder if it could be what that would be like?
ReplyDeleteI guess that could be a thought provoking blog for another time.
OK you really have me thinking now... I am wondering if one feels a romantic connection with their partner those times when they are feeling those things that they as men or women need. I am thinking of the "men are from mars.." book where the author poses that a woman needs to feel cherished and a man needs to feel trusted, respected, admired. So he buys you roses and you feel cherished and he feels admired for doing a good thing. So if that is the case, then I think feeling romantic love all the time might require the generating of those feelings constantly in each other, or maybe just our adopting the most optimistic interpretation of everything the other does to match what we need "oh, he showered today, it is because he cherishes me more than anything and doesn't want me to be turned off, how romantic". Well maybe that is an extreme but I think that kind of perspective that would take...so it may be possible to sustain romantic love.
ReplyDeleteHi Amy, this is so bizarre, this is like the 4th time i have tried to post back. Every other time it has not posted and erased. Not sure what is happening. In any event, i wanted to say if i got you thinking then that was the only intent of the reflection. I am glad. I think we all get so wrapped up in our day to day lives that we just hop on the train and not really reflect about many things. I loved that book that you made reference to but there is another one which i will get the name of from my friend. It talks about how some people need material things to feel loved, others need the words or public displays of affection to feel loved, and others need sex etc... I will find out the name and let you know.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think it is possible to sustain "romantic love". I think it depends on the two individuals involved in the relationship and what words and meanings mean to them. It is very interesting to watch the different stages of love that we experience.
I am thinking my next blog to me on sustaining romantic love and or does making our men be a certain way to us take away from that romantic love they feel for us..and vice versa.. Just thinking out loud.. Talk soon. Thanks again for the feedback.
I look forward to your next blog!
ReplyDelete